Pissed off asi como siempre

So... i'm pretty sure I hate him....ya i hate him.... But why do you ask... hmm well besides my other entries what more do i need to convince you... okay though... he just pisses me off... Why must i keep trying with him...i know he is a permanent fuck up.... sometimes i just have all these thoughts in my head like... "wtf does he give u or your son that some other man couldn't?" Honestly since i have been pregnant wtf has he done for me or my son?? Spend his money to get high on coke or mary or stay out and not come home all night... really and im sure he is cheating on me which wouldn't suprise me... at all!! Anyways ... he hasn't bought my son one damn thing, in fact all he has done was brought to my son the same thing he has brought upon me...::: PAIN::::

For some reason i wanted to stay with him so our son could see this happy life, so that he understands you find ONE person... ONE person and spend the rest of your life with them... but u know what life is never that fucking easy for me... it can never be the way i fucking want it which sucks because I'M THE ONE DRIVING BEHING THIS WHEEL AIN'T I????.... then i keep thinking about this sermen that i heard last week.... that god has a plan for us.... that he isn't trying to break my heart.... he was talking about how god gives you this warning , this sense in ur stomache or just this continious flashing light so that you move on to the happiness he has planned for you... maybe i am confused and i think I love Javier but how am I suppose to know .... i've seen the warning signs.... maybe somewhere else is someone better... is something to make me happy but idk b/c i won't give it a try... b/c i won't listen to what i know is right... maybe i'm afraid to take the chance?? I just wish it was easy to do as it is to say...