You Can Never Hate Someone Without Loving Them First

sometimes its so difficult being me.. constantly arguing my head with my heart..

he's left a little coke baggy in the house filled with what i'm assuming is laced marijuana...

I want to call the cops.... i want to trust them... I want to tell them to take him out of my life... but then .... i don't

But then i think.... damn how will i deliver this little boy into the world without him... How will I explain to my grandparents what's been going on the last years... how will I explain to the world how i have lived with this... b/c its not me...

on the outside i try to act tough.. prepare myself for nights like this... even to his face pretend like i don't care... but i'm crying right now... i obviously care....

I can't make my fingers dial the number, no less than i can convince my heart to leave him... does that make me weak... god please help me...