Pissed off asi como siempre

So... i'm pretty sure I hate him....ya i hate him.... But why do you ask... hmm well besides my other entries what more do i need to convince you... okay though... he just pisses me off... Why must i keep trying with him...i know he is a permanent fuck up.... sometimes i just have all these thoughts in my head like... "wtf does he give u or your son that some other man couldn't?" Honestly since i have been pregnant wtf has he done for me or my son?? Spend his money to get high on coke or mary or stay out and not come home all night... really and im sure he is cheating on me which wouldn't suprise me... at all!! Anyways ... he hasn't bought my son one damn thing, in fact all he has done was brought to my son the same thing he has brought upon me...::: PAIN::::

For some reason i wanted to stay with him so our son could see this happy life, so that he understands you find ONE person... ONE person and spend the rest of your life with them... but u know what life is never that fucking easy for me... it can never be the way i fucking want it which sucks because I'M THE ONE DRIVING BEHING THIS WHEEL AIN'T I????.... then i keep thinking about this sermen that i heard last week.... that god has a plan for us.... that he isn't trying to break my heart.... he was talking about how god gives you this warning , this sense in ur stomache or just this continious flashing light so that you move on to the happiness he has planned for you... maybe i am confused and i think I love Javier but how am I suppose to know .... i've seen the warning signs.... maybe somewhere else is someone better... is something to make me happy but idk b/c i won't give it a try... b/c i won't listen to what i know is right... maybe i'm afraid to take the chance?? I just wish it was easy to do as it is to say...

Last Nights Adventure

ughhhhh besides the fact that i can't bare this heartburn...my life is pretty... okay acutally my life sucks worse...the indigestion might be the only good thing right now....

See yesterday i woke up with some faith and energy to go to church for the first time in god knows when....

So i wake up iron my shirt and Javiers... then i'm driving down grand, the sun shining and passing all the happy church people. Grab breakfast and go to church. Church was small but very welcoming... i leave go to work and from 3-7:30 the time Javier leaves to the time i get off , im worrying but not to much not like i normally do... i take my time driving home, see his car isn't there ....hmmm pos lo yame y me dijo ke esta pescando con Manuel...pero lo ke no sabia el pendejo es ke Manuel andava en el resturante comiendo con un amigo.... cuando le dije eso el cabron me cuelgo ...... aye me puso bien pissed off.... fui a buskarlo y lo encontre afuera de la casa de Manuel en su pinshi pjs lo grite k tuvo diez minutos a ir a la casa o iba a yamar la policia.... mientras tanto cuando andava siguendolo ... yame a Manuel y le dije ke y se ke vende drogas y si encuntro Javi a su casa o no viene javi a mia ke voy a yamar la imigration y tambien la policia... pinshi pendejo....

then we get home and i am just screaming at his bitch ass... idk i went un poko crazy yesterday.... and still today idk wtf to do with his drogado ass....

QuE TE BeNdIgA DioS PuTa

So pretty much its been a good day so far, despite the fact that i've only been up roughly an hour... hahah i was having some crazy ass dreams last night. one of the craziest was that i was having an elephant for a baby lol it was fucking weird as hell. then i was dreaming about french toast mmmmmm....

So some hija de su puta madre made up a fake myspace profile "La Manzanita Vega" lol telling me some bullshit like "no fueras pendeja puta kien sabe kien es el papa de tu nino o nina"... dumb bitch at first me puso bien enojado pero ya ke pienso esa pendeja ke le vaya a la chingada... she can't even grow cahones and tell me to my face ni decirme kien es through an e-mail... if that puta writes me again im gonna say "okay mija oro por ti ya lo se ke no tienes confidente por eso me escribes dicendo tonterias... que te bendiga dios.... busca confidente" neta pinshi cabrona..

MONTOYA

Pretty mush im sick of people at work.... osea COMPLETAMENTE MOLESTA CON LA GENTE IGNORANTE!.... i was irritable before pregnancy but now everything has seemed to fucking sky rocket... which is great for all u folks, whats better than reading my sarcastic vents?

So a man comes in today, and he is one of those fucking chicanos bien orgullosa trying to show off at the resturant by saying " I have a pick up-order....... for MONTOYA" then we give him the receipt and like the Codo he is he starts complaining "oh we wanted a side burrito, not a corona burrito" and then he starts putting Zoraida down "oh she couldn't understand me cause her accent" REALLY PENDEJO DID U NOT GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL HOW COULD A FUCKING ACCENT DISABLE U FROM UNDERSTANDING SOMEONE?? see this is what pisses me off.. all these people out there trying to say they're are down for there fucking Raza....shit they are putting their own people down worse then some white people out there. Ur so mexican and proud... why do u say shit like "wetback" and shit, and make someone feel dumb that they can't speak english. There are alot of good people out there helping with the Chicano Movement and a lot of them are white, then there are a lot of our own brown people putting us down....fucking dumb ass .... anyways i wrote down his number but i better throw it away what am i gonna call and say "FUCK U MR. MONTOYA?" nope... can't do that... oh and then im getting pissy so i say a bitchy comment like "oh well if you don't feel confident talking to someone because of their accent then just ask to talk to someone who speaks english" i think it was him who didnt understand such strong words but he replied like a dumb ass "ya or i will just order in spanish..." YA BITCH IF U KNEW HOW TO...UM HELLO IF U KNOW SPANISH WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T YOU OF DONE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE... pinshi joto maricon... we deal with people like this daily... u wanna judge mexicans dont go to a fawkin mexican resturant putos!

Ni modo pues... besides that lil break down, things have been good... well idk i guess as good as they can get, should i really be happy that my boyfriend has went scarcely one week with out using drugs...or let me rephrase that... one week with out GETTING CAUGHT USING DRUGS?? sometimes i wonder whose dumbier him for doing the drugs or me for the length of time i've put up with it?? idk i just somedays wake up and im like damn this is what i'll be doing the rest of my pinshi life.... a la verga madre..

Lost

Im offically depressed....I really don't know what to do about my relationship with Javier...it makes me so damn mad that when i first met him how we talked about our goals and how we both we're eager to have children... I even remember him saying he wanted to get married soon and all this bullshit well here i am now a year and a half later and he doesn't even want to get a house just me and him. That kind of pisses me off because its like...why should i put my dreams on hold for you?? It makes me sad too especially today when i thought i was pregnant and all of a sudden i get my period...its like I pray and pray but there is no use...any sugguestions on what to do?

this mother fucker just pisses me off!! I think i'm going crazy sometimes....he threw beer all over my shit..fucked me over last night and still i'm expecting something from his dumbass?? i don't know like an i'm fuckin sorry or without u im not sane type of romantic shit that i know i will NEVER get out of him?? Fawk then i look at him and i think of the night before when i layed in my bed waiting for his dumbass to show up!!

Solo Existe Un Amor

H: esta bien bebe

yo: Si sabes kien soy?

H:a nadie mas le digo bebe

yo: a pos lo me hace feliz....como has estado??

H:Bien y tu ke me cuentas?

yo: Nada mi vida es muy abburrida...y tu?

H:Yo trabajando. . sin deskansas desde ase un mes

yo: px tanto?

H:asi es aki a veces . . bebe y tu estas trabajando

yo: Siempre trabajo...seguro k sabes kien soy dime mi nombre...

H: ji ji ji kien eres

yo:orale na pos esta bien...ke pendeja fui k pienso k me akuerdas..olvida ke te escribe

H: no seas asi porfa....

H:aun trabajas en el Corona?

Y:Entonces px me preguntaste k quien era??

H:estaba jugando bebe sorry...

Y: a lo siento

H:porke bebe

Y: Estoi Loka Asi...

H: Sabes te necessito komo akel prymer dia k t bese..perdonar m por desyte todo eso pero es lo k siento [i need you like the first day i kissed you i am sorry for telling you that but thats what i feel]

Y: yo se..no lo entiendo ... pero yo se..lo siento k todo es dificl en este vida..

H:Pero como te ba...con el...

Y:N bien..nunca era pero no entiendes mi situation.. tenemos k hablar d el?

H: ke kieres desir??

Y:No se Platicame..cm es Indiana?

H:Es muy bonito ... illinois mas todavia estoy bien aki me gusta te inbito podrias benir de bacasiones..

Y:Si me da gusta pero es muy lejos tengo miedo a viajar sola..hay mushos nakos jaja

H: Y sy bebe...estas tryste hoy berdad carino?

Y:px me preguntas eso??

H:es ke eso kreo..te conosco muy bien pero tal vez me ekiboke..te kiero amor...

H:Px estas triste mi vida...sabes k siempre he sabido escucharte bebe..

Y:Pos si me konoces mejor ke todos..es malo para decirte k yo tambien te amo??

H:px es malo ke me digas ke me amas?

Y: N se como explicarlo mijo y la verdad ...ya me canse de mi vida y ya me canse d mi vida es como estoi viviendo una mentira..

H: como es un mentira chiquilla?

Y:Px debo amar la persona k estoi con pero todavia te kiero y trato a decirme k no pero mi mente nunka gana con mi corazon....

H:No tiene kaso k lo diga pero t lo dije nadie t ara feliz como yo....[i have no reason to say this but nobody will make u happy like i would]

Y:eso ya lo he sabido

H:Por ke estas con el?? si no lo amas..no acabes con tu vida asi..

H:Ke pasa bebe...

H:px ya no contestaste?

Y:Sorri estava leyendo..si lo amo pero el amor es mas differente..como me hago amarlo..me entiendes? contigo el amor es real..de mi corazon...

H:solo existe un amor el berdadero...el ke nase del corazon ese es amor...

Y:Si.....

{note bet u can guess...prolly not a convo i should of been having.....}